I was standing in the gym this evening stretching about to watch the France V Spain match on the crosstrainer. There was a chap in the corner on one of the mats going through a load of warm down stretches. He was taking a long time about it.
At the end of my work-outs, there is sweat pouring all over the shop. I go to the gym to exercise. A lot of people at my gym seem to go there, not for the social scene, but to just hang around stretching wearing the latest Nike gear. This is one of them.
He was taking his time making sure you could see his trainers. Shit ones, by the way. He was poncing about with his heart rate monitor. Made sure you could see it. You know, he wasn’t just getting on with the job of working out, he was trying to show off. But, of course, without speaking. No one seems to speak in our gym. Most folk have ipods anyway.
This chap had his white headphones in and his ipod in a poncy container which he had carelessly let fall on to the other mat, in the hope that you might also notice it.
So while I was stretching and thus having to face his way I let my eye drift over the scene. Then, on the little ledge next to the mat, I spied his mobile. Ah hah! Let’s see what he’s really made off, eh?
Pile of crap, as it turns out.
You know you’re a real geek when you can spot the make of a handset reliably from 10 feet. 😉 Well it was a Sony V600. Make no mistake, this is a perfectly servicable wicked handset for a normal mobile user. But it didn’t fit his projected image of look-at-me, I-have-got-the-best-stuff.
A ‘pretender’, as they are known, in the trade. Didn’t fit the image. The handset sat there doing nothing and *not ringing*.
He should have at least been sporting a W-range Sony Ericsson like the W810, one of the newer Samsungs or a decent N-range Nokia. It just isn’t good enough 😉
I am definitely a Class-A mobile snob.
If you’d like to check whether you are possibly in danger of winding me up incessantly, here is a handy check list for clarity.
So, you can only have a crap handset if you fit any of the following descriptions:
1.) Over 50s. Anyone under 50 with a 3 year old Nokia: sort it out. You get a free upgrade every year. Use it.
2.) Plumbers and workmen with those non-shatter rubberised Nokias.
3.) Tree-huggers who just don’t get mobile, at all, ever. They’re too busy swimming through swamps. Carry on using your Nokia 3330s.
4.) You drive 10 miles to a different store (at a cost of £3 in fuel) so you can save £0.04 on a can of baked beans. Stick with your ultra shit handset and don’t trouble me with your "But I don’t seem to be able to get ringtones" questions at parties.
5.) Tough geezas. Tough people on the street who will fly off the handle at the meer doubting of their parentage. Think professional English Football hooligan. You guys, use whatever you wish… I’ll keep my N90 in my pocket until you’re gone. And no I can’t help you download a porn video to your handset, which, incidentally has 128k of on board memory. Not quite enough for that 4mb video your mate is trying to send you.
6.) You are aged 6 and you’ve just been given your first handset. No problem. Have a play. Get a better one in 6 months though.
7.) ‘Businessmen’ that you see on the train whom, clearly, from the 3 day old M&S shirt they’re wearing (complete with ketchup stain), aren’t quite as professional as they’d like you to think. The ones who wear their Nokia 1110 in a holster on their right hip. When their phone rings, they LIVE for the thrill of snapping the phone out of its holster. AND the handset is covered in a protective plastic glove thing. You stick with your handset so us cool mobilers can easily spot and avoid you.
8.) Policemen. They’ve got enough to carry about, what the the danger of someone trying to knife them. Ergo they and their emergency service colleagues are exempt.
9.) Ultra good looking single girls with a thing for Nokia N90 weilding Scots, waiting for a mobile expert to come along and recommend the correct handset. By the way, lunch, tomorrow? 😉
10.) Anyone found sporting a Nokia 8810. Especially if you’re walking about the West End shouting loudly into it AND you work in ‘media’. Yes it was good looking once. Upgrade.
11.) Anyone in ‘business development’ who is still holding on to their Sony Mobile CMD-Z5. Yes it had an in-line voicemail facility on the handset which saved on those calls to your voicemail, but really, come on.. this was before Sony and Ericsson merged! (This guy has been using his for 6 years!).
If you’re not listed above, make sure you have at least a one year old handset or the mobile fashion police are coming for you.