Archive for the ‘Rant’ Category

Why the Nokia N900 is No Better Than an HTC Mogul — Updated

Monday, October 19th, 2009

OK, I know the Nokia N900 is a much better phone than the HTC Mogul. Obviously the hardware and the OS it runs are light-years ahead of it. So if you’ll excuse the link-bait headline, I will proceed to explain why the N900 is a phone from a bygone era. The sodding stylus. UPDATE: The point of this post is to rant about the stylus, the N900 is obviously not an archaic phone by any means, and to suggest it was no better than the HTC Mogul is laughable, which is precisely why I thought readers would catch onto the sarcasm, apologies for any coronaries I may have caused.

I know Ewan loves and adores the N900, but even he can back me up on this. Just as having a serious smartphone without a 3.55mm headphone jack is a joke (yes, I’m looking at you G1, various BlackBerrys), having a smartphone with a stylus is becoming unacceptable. To the early adopters/mobilegeeks like me, it is a deal-breaker, and it’s only a matter of time before the disgust with the stylus seeps down to the general public (normobs as Ewan says).

I know some business men and women must be used to the stylus, as they’ve been using them since the days of the PDA. The stylus is like a security blanket for these people. But if they could have back the hours they devoted to learning the Palm Graffiti 1 & 2 alphabets and instead spent that time to learn how to play guitar, they’d be Randy freaking Rhoads by now.

The point is, that styluses (styli?) had their day in the sun. As did the rotary phone. As did the phone before the rotary phone where you’d pick up the receiver and say “Operator, get me #12!” But we are living in the age of glorious, gorgeous touch screens: the iPhone, Palm Pre, the HTC Hero, and the BlackBerry Storm (OK, just kidding about that last one).

About half the time I’m using my phone, I do so one-handed. I don’t operate it when I drive if that’s what you’re thinking, but rather when I’m carrying a cup of coffee, my lunch etc., so using a stylus is just out of the question.

Even with two hands, I hate the stylus. The act of sliding the ugly plastic wand out of the side of the phone is always the last resort. You try to think, “OK, this webpage only has two links I want to click, maybe I can get away with using my fingernail.” Then, invariably, you try again and again until you are so frustrated that you resign yourself to removing the stylus from its plastic cocoon.

Then you get to a website with fields. It’s too much trouble to go into a field put the stylus back, use the slide out keyboard, then remove the stylus again. So you try to hold on to they stylus by pinching it between your pointer finger and the side of the phone, as you attempt to type with your thumbs. Then of course, the stylus, awkwardly held in place merely by friction, tumbles to the filthy ground, and then rolls into the gutter. You then go to the nearest bridge or tall building and hurl your body towards the sweet embrace of the afterlife, a world with no stylus.

So I know that the N900 is a serious smartphone, and I’m sure that Nokia engineers were loathe to include a stylus. They would probably say “We had no choice, how else are you going to navigate the parts that need a delicate and precise touch?”

To which I would say: figure it out. Just figure it out, you’re the high paid engineer. We can put a man on the moon, but we’re still in the dark ages of mobile devices with the stylus. Actually, a little known fact, the original stylus was a crude hunting and gathering tool used by Neanderthals. A million years later, little has changed.

Mobile Monday Silicon Valley rocked

Tuesday, May 5th, 2009
May 4, 2009
6:31 pm to 10:31 pm

Mobile Monday Silicon Valley was fantastic this evening. There was a huge turnout on an uncharacteristically rainy San Francisco evening for the Location-Aware app demo evening.

Skyhook Wireless kindly underwrote the bar and gave a pitch at the beginning of the series of presentations, outlining their rather excellent range of location services available to mobile developers. I managed to catch Skyhook’s Director of Marketing, Kate Imbach, on camera discussing the merits of their offering. Suffice to say if you’re a developer and you’d like to integrate location based services (e.g. Find Me) into your app, definitely, definitely talk to Skyhook.

Here are the companies who presented:

  • Crazymenu.com – Launched their iPhone (lunchtime) online restaurant discovery and ordering facility. I really liked their concept. I’m going to look for it in the iPhone app store.
  • Cristdrive – Their application, Voilà, will simply and elegantly tell any of your online services where you are, right now. $0.99 in the app store.
  • Retronyms – Couldn’t make it for some reason so Kate from Skyhook did her best with their presentation. They’ve got a rather interesting GPS game by the name of Seek ‘n Spell going live. Check their site.
  • Wertago – Showed off their app offering city nightlife in the palm of your hand. Nice!
  • Geoterrestrial – GPSToday, a comprehensive Windows Mobile application offering an array of GPS related services. If you’re into location services, definitely check out what they’ve created — amongst other features, it’ll sit in the background and continually tell folk where you are.
  • HearPlanet – Dale Larson’s audio city guides deliver location information that really speaks to you. You can, as the site puts it, ‘leave those bulky tour books behind and let HearPlanet (iPhone) show you the way. Get it on the App Store. It’s the #2 rated Travel app at the moment and they’ve had almost 500k downloads so far.
  • Life360 – Trades on fear. But in a good way. Their mobile (and desktop) services deliver you instant safety, security and peace of mind. I’m going to get this for my wife and I. Google Latitude helps show where we both are.. but I want more than that. I particularly like their ‘find your family in an emergency’ facilities.
  • Carrrmatey by Lionebra –> Brought the house down. So much so that I filmed their pitch. I think the audience were really taken with the pirate theme. It’s a really smart utility that records where you left your car, reminds you to return at appointed times (for meters) and guides you back to your car — rather useful if you keep on forgetting where you parked.

I managed to get some good video interviews tonight — I was going to hold them back until we’ve launched with the nice new look and feel, but it’s al about content, right? I’m going to aim to get the first lot of videos up tomorrow morning.

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Originally published on Mobile Developer TV and automatically republished here on Mobile Industry Review. View the original post.

Got 60 friends? Spell out a message with Google Latitude

Wednesday, April 15th, 2009

I came across this rather nifty proof-of-concept video from the Google Latitude team.

Latitude, if you’re not familiar with it, is an add-on to Google Maps that (amongst other features) overlays an avatar of your friends on Google Maps. So if you’re out-and-about you can see their location. Or if you’re on your desktop you can see a large Google Map of your friends.

Typically innovative, Google decided to take things to the next level. Wouldn’t it be neat that, if you had sufficient friends each with a T-Mobile G1 (for example), you could position them on the map to spell out a message.

Granted, you’d need to have quite a bit of spare time. But it’s doable, right?

Right.

The Google Latitude team stuck their money where their mouth is and had a bit of fun, thus:

That there is a screenshot of a Google Maps screen spelling out ‘Hi Mom’ across central San Francisco. Each little square you see is an avatar representing a physical Google team member with a phone standing in the corresponding physical location in San Francisco.

The enterprising chaps also made a video documenting the process of setting this up:

There is, I suspect, limited value in spelling out messages using your friends on Google Maps / Latitude. But it’s a super proof-of-concept for the technology.

And a reminder to get on Latitude.

Latitude, of course, isn’t yet available for the iPhone so that’s most of San Francisco ruled out. But for everyone back in Europe sporting your common-or-garden N-Series Nokia device, perhaps it’s time you and your friends spent this Saturday spelling out ‘Hello Your Majesty’ across a map of London.

(You’ll need about 10-12 friends per character.)

Originally published on Ewan.net and automatically republished here on Mobile Industry Review. View the original post.

Me: ‘What about the 400m Ovi compatible handsets by Dec 2010?’ iPhone Dev Rockstar: ‘Uhhh?’

Friday, April 10th, 2009

I’ve just come back from a brilliant event produced by AdMob. They’ve recently launched a new offering for developers — The AdMob Download Exchange. The concept being that you can trade traffic on your iPhone App with other developers — like a Link Exchange — to promote your applications. Here’s a quick graphic to illustrate:

Of course AdMob are also hugely active in the application monetisation space with well over 1,000 iPhone applications carrying AdMob inventory. What’s good to know is that in many cases, AdMob is writing cheques (or ‘checks’) in excess of $10k+ to a lot of developers. (Indeed, some of the more popular apps are knocking back hundreds of thousands in AdMob revenue.)

So this evening’s event was both an introduction to AdMob’s iPhone related services, a panel discussion on the hot topic du jour (iPhone App Discoverability) as well as the opportunity for developers to network with each other.

The panel featured the following luminaries:

Mike Kerns, CEO, Citizen Sports (Sportacular)
Jonathan Zweig, CEO, Jirbo / Epic Tilt (ESPN Cameraman, many others)
Ben Lewis, Founder, TapJoy
Alan Wells, Zynga

Here’s a pic:

09042009274

The always reliable and informed Richard Wong (far right in the blue shirt), General Partner of Accel Partners was moderator. If, by the way, you’ve come up with a genius mobile service, you should be talking with Richard. Right now. They’re hunting.

My evening began on the boulevards of San Mateo — a rather picturesque series of boutique shops and pizza restaurants (I think I walked by about 10 pizza outlets on the walk from the station). I used the always reliable Google Maps on my N95 8GB to navigate the 10 minute walk from station to venue. (In a show of solidarity I thought I should bring my UK iPhone to the event — but in an uncharacteristic effort to avoid being nailed for £7/meg in data from o2 UK, I’ve had it set to Airplane mode, so I’ve been using my TMO USA sim in my N95.)

I arrived about 15 minutes early so the Benjamin Franklin Hotel wasn’t quite ready. I spotted a chap standing outside with his iPhone and I theorised he might well be one of the 150 developers attending the event. I struck up a conversation. Turns out that the chap — Steffen Frost has been working with iPhone app development since May 2007. He came up with the concept 1st of May 2007 and had $100k+ seed funding within two weeks. Nice. His product? Carticipate. They’ve basically fixed car-trip-sharing by iPhone.

Here’s a pic I snapped of Steffen:
09042009265

“Show me!” I said as he described the concept. Within seconds he was showing the functions. You can browse the trips already being made in your area and ask to ride-share. Or if you’re heading somewhere yourself, you can advertise your trip and see if anyone else wants to join you. Smart. They’ve had some substantial interest from a lot of big companies wanting to sanitise their employee commuting traffic (amongst other applications).

“What’s your next platform?” I asked Steffen, “After iPhone?”

“Android,” he replied. “How about Nokia?” I asked.

“Yeah, well…”

Suffice to say he was severely unimpressed by the current Nokia offering.

That wasn’t a unique viewpoint. I’ll come to that later.

The venue opened a few minutes later so Steffen and I popped in. Jeff from 148apps, (the iPhone review site) had written his Twitter ID on his label — so I promptly copied and began marching around the room thrusting my hand out and asking questions left, right and centre.

Goodness me it’s iPhone, iPhone, iPhone. Obviously this was an iPhone developer meetup — but I was fascinated to see how insular, how wholly-iPhone the development community is here in Silicon Valley.

“What’s your next platform?” I asked another developer.

“Er… probably Android,” he replied, after a bit of thought.

“Right… and, after that?” I prompted.

“Well,…” he replied, the conversation trailing off to the point that we both stood there in silence for a few seconds.

I remembered myself and spluttered out “Blackberry?”

“Well…” he replied again. A nice way of saying no.

Ok.

“What about Ovi?” I asked. Hopeful. I was expecting either a venomous “GET OUT” or a knowing nod.

“Ovi? What’s that?” he looked at me confused.

“Er, the Nokia offering — their app store?”

He and his two colleagues who’d now joined us looked horrified. As though I’d taken their iPhone and nailed it to the wall.

“Nohhhkeeaaaa?” They asked. I’m sure their minds were drifting to the $29.99 bollocks-handsets they see on display in the mobile operator stores. The rubbish ones — the glorified mobile telephones complete with alarm clocks. (Think the Nokia 2100 series).

“Er LIKE NO,” said the chap’s colleague, as the other two nodded vigorously.

Interesting!

I thought I’d try out a killer stat on them.

“So 17m iPhones on the planet — Nokia reckons they’ll have the Ovi Store on 400m handsets by the end of 2010.” (I was paraphrasing — this is more or less accurate.)

Blank looks.

Nobody cares.

It’s a fascinating experience walking amongst these developers. They’re the cream of the cream. They’re the Stanford drop-outs (or not – “I did my first and second degrees at Stanford” said one chap”). They’re conditioned by the Silicon Valley mentality to think big, BIG BIG. This is where the innovation is. It’s easy to see why the Valley is the centre of everything.

At least it’s the centre of iPhone development.

There’s only so much you can do when you’re sat in a dark office in London waiting for the ‘your app has been accepted’ email from Apple. Compare that to one panelist’s throwaway comment, “We’re really tight with the Apple guys.”

And tight is good. Tight is the way ahead. Almost every chap I met has a friend-of-a-friend who works at Apple. Or knows a ‘guy’ at Google. Or whose dorm mate knocked out a $10k/day Chess app for the iPhone.

As I walked around the venue, I bumped into Omar, AdMob’s founder. I’m still ridiculously embarrassed — I haven’t got over sitting next to Omar in a dinner in San Francisco last September and asking him ‘what he did at AdMob’ only to find out he was the founder. OH THAT OMAR! ;-)

I found Omar in good spirits. He was on his way up to commence proceedings. It says a lot when the CEO and founder of AdMob took the time to pop along and introduce the event. He outlined his company’s commitment to mobile developers and platforms such as the iPhone before swiftly handing over to colleague Mike for a quick AdMob FAQ, namely:

Q: Can I monetise my app with AdMob?
A: Yes. Lots of people are already (1,000+ apps using AdMob).

Q: How much money can I make?
A: It’s very dependent on the application and it’s use case, but, for the sake of argument, assume $0.15 net revenue per customer.

The audience sat in silence, gobbling up the information as Mike delivered it. It was very smart to give some basic revenue examples. Some apps are clearly making a heck of a lot more than $0.15 per customer, but if you’re looking for a ready reckoner of what you might be able to achieve, having this information is really valuable.

Next? The panel. It would be fair to represent the panel as iPhone Developer Rockstars. They’re operating in the mythical space of more or less continual Top-50 App Store billing. As I sat taking in the panel debate I was mentally calculating just how many application downloads the four guys accounted for. If you’re looking for confirmation of rockstar status, witness this panelist quote:

“We worked out the other day that one of our applications has been played by our users for 2,000 man years so far,”

Shit.

Moderator Richard Wong did a super job of asking a series of pertinent questions to the panel around the issue of application discovery. Once you’ve got your app accepted, do you blow a load of money (on, for example, AdMob) to get your app discovered on the launch day? Or do you play a longer game? Can you really monetise with ads? (Yes).

One point I really liked was, I think, made by Ben Lewis of TapJoy. He explained that customers had emailed in saying they were finding it difficult getting above level 30 in one of their games. So they responded by making levels 30-40 easier. In doing so, they found that their ad-impressions flew off the charts. If you’re displaying ads at the end of levels, it makes sense to ensure that the majority of users can progress to an array of levels.

Panelist Ben caused me to rethink my stance on Apple’s micropayments. if you recall, Apple’s next OS version, 3.0, introduces the capacity to extract micropayments from consumers using your applications. Ben commented that whilst a 30% revenue share for the hosting of the App Store, credit card processing and so on was fair enough, taking the exact same share for micropayments ‘just wasn’t cricket’, as we say in Britain. The point being that Apple aren’t doing any more work, other than the transaction processing.

Now to the good stuff.

For months — possibly even years — I’ve been banging on about the iPhone platform finally unlocking the opportunity for developers. Not everyone has been agreeing with me. Indeed quite a few purists in Europe have continued to assert the apparent superiority of the Symbian/Nokia platform for development. And whilst there’s certainly an argument to be had there, it’s — fundamentally — all about money. And there’s a reason Silicon Valley is going nuts for mobile. (Where ‘mobile’ equals ‘iPhone’). It’s the 800 million iPhone downloads, 70% of which are revenue generating. It’s the fact that you can, theoretically, become a millionaire overnight by developing a successful iPhone application, even though there are only 17m iPhones in existence.

So having been a diehard make-it-easy-for-developers chap, it was rather exciting to be surrounded by a few hundred of the Valley’s iPhone geniuses.

Panel questions arrived. I’d already been mentally willing Richard to pick me when he eventually opened the panel up to audience questions.

“Right, any quest..” he began. I shot up my hand.

“Ewan!” he said.

“Hi, I’d like to ask you about…”

I was getting stuck in.

“Wait a moment Ewan, introduce yourself for the audience,” prompted Richard.

Ah. Yes.

I couldn’t wait to ask my question.

“Given that Nokia expects to have their Ovi store on 400m handsets by the end of 2010, are you looking to develop for that platform?”

The moment I mentioned ‘Nokia’ I could feel the audience bristle.

One of the chaps on the panel looked at me — that ‘what the fluck’ look.

“Er, no,” he said.

He passed the microphone.

“No,” said the next chap.

“Er, we’re thinking about it,” said another.

“Errrr NO,” said the next.

Geez.

I felt like a pariah as the panel began to dissect their reasoning. The path to cash is unclear. It’s a massively fragmented handset population. It’s not centrally controlled and beautiful like the App Store. The Ovi Store doesn’t appear to be that ‘easy’ to work with. The capabilities of the development platform are unknown (at least within the Valley)… and so on.

Judging by the response of the audience and the other developers I spoke to after the panel, the ambivalence to Nokia’s Ovi offering — and the offerings of the other manufacturers — is echoed across the Valley.

Blackberry was mentioned once or twice. Surprising, given the amount of Blackberries in use across the States. But when you consider that a whopping amount of devices are corporate devices that are locked to prevent downloads — and that Blackberry App World isn’t pre-installed as yet — you can see why it’s getting little attention from this community.

Another surprise was the lack of Windows Marketplace discussion. Yes this was an iPhone developer meetup but you’d expect — or at least I expected — most developers to be reasonably platform agnostic or at least looking at other possibilities. Out of the 150 developers there, a show of hands revealed only one chap who had worked on the Windows platform.

This will change. Effort is driven by monetisation. If Ovi, Blackberry and Windows Mobile deliver on their promise, I’m sure the majority will give them the time of day. But right now it’s iPhone, iPhone, iPhone and I don’t blame them.

Originally published on Ewan.net and automatically republished here on Mobile Industry Review. View the original post.

Screw you, Empire Of The Sun and EMI. Screw you with bells on.

Monday, February 9th, 2009

What unmitigated dickhead is running music publishing at EMI Music at the moment?

I heard a track on the radio last week. Rare because I don’t often listen to live radio. Indeed I’m one of those cash rich and completely hidden customers — a growing trend. My dollars, combined with the dollars of my friends and colleagues who also don’t bother with ‘live’ anymore, are significant.

I heard a tune and I though, ‘Right, this is a time for Shazam!’

And woosh.

I shazamed the track. I dialed 2580 and let the handset sit there listening for 30 seconds before Shazam disconnected. 10 seconds later I had the tune.

Walking On a Dream by Empire of the Sun.

Excellent.

The radio presenter said words to the effect of the track being ‘released’ toward the end of February.

Bollocks to that I thought. I’ll go and download it.

Two days later I hit up iTunes.

All I can find is the music video.

True enough, the total dicks at EMI have held it back. It’s not available for me to download.

I can get the £1.89 music video. I don’t want that. I want the audio. I don’t want my iPhone to come alive with video whenever I play the song. No. I want a download.

But I can’t have it.

I can’t have it because some total DICK at EMI has decided to put a ‘release date’ on that track.

They’ve given it to radio stations to ‘generate buzz’.

And now I have to wait 2 or 3 weeks.

Well I say screw you.

Screw you with BELLS on.

Here I am, a customer, ready to buy — and you’re choosing not to sell.

That, Mr EMI, is a dickhead practice from a dickhead era from YEARS ago.

Therefore rest assured that I won’t be buying the video track. Or the audio.

I definitely won’t be buying it.

It wasn’t THAT important to me. I was interested, I quite liked the tune. I was generally up for opening my wallet to the tune of, what, £50 quid over two years — provided your artist came up with the goods over the year.

But your bollocks release date? Your bollocks ‘authority’. Your ‘NO YOU CAN’T HAVE IT YET’ position is ridiculous.

Let me point out that in 30 seconds, I could download the video, rip the audio and have it up on a sharing site — or Youtube or the like — within another 60 seconds. Don’t you GET this? I could simply go and get it for free.

Yet here I was.

Here I was ready to give you some cash. To encourage your innovation and move to digital.

But no. I won’t be downloading it, I won’t be copying it illegally, I won’t be ripping it.

But there’s a million others that will be.

In fact I’m willing to bet that if I asked for it on Twitter, 10 people would send me a link to download within 10 seconds.

You simply don’t get it, do you? Digital demand finds a way.

And I feel better now.

And relax….

#uksnow yet another demonstration of time wasting rubbish

Monday, February 2nd, 2009

Yesterday whilst I was sat at the top of some monument in Rome, having taken a break from filming the MIR Show with Dan and Ben, we all sat back and checked-in.

For me this meant having a look at the mail, scanning the Twitterific traffic and so on.

I didn’t get far until I started noticing #uksnow Tweet messages.

Here’s what one looks like:

#uksnow Not much happening yet.

Or

A light smattering. PA1. #uksnow

Some bright spark — Ben Marsh — had nothing else to do last night and knocked up a Google Map hash from the uksnow tweets. And here it is:

I remarked negatively on this subject to Ben and Dan. They were, it seems, hugely in favour of this total waste of sodding time.

There is, I remarked, a weather service out there. The Met Office does a pretty good job. Enough to have been warning us about impending snow for the last three days.

Most of yesterday, a heck of a lot of people started sending frequent bollocks into my Twitter stream about their current #uksnow experiences.

This would be highly, highly relevant if I was 6 years old. I’d love to share your joy about the snow if I was 6. I used to regularly pop to the window throughout the night to see if the snow was still falling.

Now it seems, having got through another 25 years worth of living, I’m now being subjected to dozens and dozens of sodding #uksnow updates.

Almost every person I’ve subscribed to has given over to the #uksnow bollocks. I am even being sent INSTRUCTIONS on how to properly format my #uksnow Tweets in case I should want to also participate.

The instructions, in case you are wondering, are thus:

- Put the first half of your postcode
- Then put your ’snow score’ (I KID YOU NOT… a SNOW SCORE) out of 10
- And don’t forget to include the hashtag #uksnow at the end

So an example Tweet would look like this:

CM12 5/10 #uksnow

Great.

Technically great. It is super to see the possibilities.

And that’s relevant to whom?

I suppose if any of my followers ALSO live in the CM12, CM11, CM10 or similar postcode areas, that Tweet might prevent them from having to look out the window. Although they’ll have to have more or less the same value structure for the ’snow rating’ in order for it to be of much use.

But for everyone else — especially the people following from abroad — any #uksnow messages are a total 100% waste of time.

Stick up a Twitpic of the snow by all means. Like James Whatley did. Or Gerry Moth. Or Jonathan Mulholland.

That’s semi useful to me. It’s not polluting my mind. I’ve subscribed to your updates and I choose whether or not to click on the picture. Nine times out of ten, I probably will. I’ll have a look. And move on.

But sending me a #uksnow update every 8 minutes is ridiculous.

These hashtags are in danger of becoming wholly, wholly irrelevant — like the “@somebody yeah” Twitter messages that I’ve already managed to filter.

Last night I was getting so annoyed, I thought I’d join in with my own hashtag rubbish to see it would garner any response.

Here’s my first:

Absolutely stunned by the amount of banality on hash uksnow. 100s of pages of bollocks about whether it’s snowing. Is there a #UKrain?

Then I thought I’d try temperature:

#ukTemp quite cold at the moment

And then a Sunshine update:

#ukSunshine No sunshine here right now. It’s dark.

And then I got carried away:

#ukWatchingPaintDry I’m just waiting for the paint to dry now
#ukSunshine Still dark outside

I then Retweeted Dominic’s Tweet:

Thanks for the update Dominic! RT @DominicTravers: #ukmeterologicaltedium not much happening, a touch chilly

And Kip Hakes one:

RT @kiphakes: #ukwashingup – There were 6 cups, 2 plates and one of G’s bowls – more news as it happens

Ben Smith jumped in with his #ukwashingup update:

@Ew4n @kiphakes: #ukwashingup – Dishwasher loaded here. Not sure if it’s too full to run an economy wash. Twitterpoll?

And I asked Ben Smith to keep me updated:

@bensmithuk Agreed. Is it snowing where you are? Could you give me #uksnow updates in 30 second increments?

Tedium.

Tedium.

And thrice tedium.

Please THINK before you TWEET.

If you’re in the mood for some banality, get stuck in. Here’s the real time Twitter uksnow update page: http://search.twitter.com/search?q=uksnow

Knock yourself out!

Thanks to Jonathan for this bit of rather accurate humour…

Jonathan Mulholland:

Very funny! RT @shinykatie: “If the Germans had dropped snow instead of bombs, they’d have won the war” #uksnow

‘And a 3.5mm jack’ – Why isn’t this a standard?

Monday, January 26th, 2009

I was reading through a press release about the Nokia 5800 ‘Tube’ handset. Over a million of them shipped. Good news.

My issue?

Have a read of this sentence. I’ve bolded the problem line.

The Nokia 5800 XpressMusic offers a complete music experience and features a number of music and entertainment essentials, including a graphic equalizer, 8GB memory for up to 6000 tracks, support for all main digital music formats, and a 3.5mm jack. Built-in surround sound stereo speakers offer the industry’s most powerful sound.

AND a 3.5mm jack?

Now, I understand why the PR feel this needs to be included — because often many handsets ship with some dickhead adapter. For multiple reasons. This isn’t some historical quirk. The ‘open’ T-Mobile HTC G1, launched last quarter, doesn’t actually come with a 3.5mm jack. You need a USB extension.

The fact that Nokia’s PR felt they needed to stick in the ‘and a 3.5mm jack’ fact is indicative of just how rubbish this mobile industry really is.

Whyever would you make a handset that DOESN’T have a 3.5mm jack for your favourite headphones?

Well.

Multiple dickhead reasons are provided, all of them 100% invalid.

3.5mm is the standard, yes? Let’s move on. Nothing smaller, nothing bigger, no USB bollocks please.

Do you think we’ll EVER get to the point whereby we actually have to report that a phone has a 3.5mm jack? Will this finally become commonplace this year?

Or have I had far too much caffeine?

Broadband ‘Connected Britain’ Is Rubbish

Monday, January 19th, 2009

I am currently uploading a 120mb MIR Show video at the whopping WHOPPING average speed of 18.5k per second. Fluck all use that ‘cloud’ is when I’m whizzing away at 18.5k/sec.

In fact thinking back about 15 years ago, if I was lucky, I got similar speeds on my 56k modem.

I’m using an 8mb ‘high speed’ British Telecom broadband connection.

If you get a brochure from BT any time soon talking about their 21CN network — the fabled brilliance that will connect us all with gigabyte speeds — please do send it to BT Centre, Newgate Street, with a note attached with words to the effect ’stick it up your arse jumper.’

Can we just do a test here? Across the comments today, there’s been a number of readers giving examples of their slow slow connections (that are meant to be super fast).

Could you please respond telling me what average upload /download speeds you’re getting and what connection you actually are meant to have?

Don’t do one of those broadband speed tests. I want to know real life, real examples. Take a 100mb file and upload it to Vimeo — during the upload it gives you a throughput stat. I’d like to see just how bad (or good) it is.

I know that Ben Smith has a lightning fast Be Unlimited connection in West London.

But in Billericay, Essex, we’ve got shit.

Witness, for example, this comment from Dominic Travers:

I Currently live in Bristol and can get O2/Be ADSL2+, which is exactly what BT aim to have rolled out nation wide by 2011 as the culmination of their 21CN project to make Britain world leaders in IP based communication technology. 15 months ago when I first signed up to the service it was pretty good, 16Mbps down and 1.3Mbps up. For at least the last 6 months the O2 box in my local exchange has been full to bursting and the thoughput can only be described as dismal. I can still get the maximum speeds once a connection is established, but the latency in ordinary browsing the internet is abysmal now I am on the max contention ratio.

If this is as good as UK domestic broadband is going to get we’re doomed.

Rubbish.

Absolute unmitigated rubbish.

We can’t do better than this?

And if we can’t get the sodding FIXED connections working, what hope have we got of making it work whilst mobile?


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