(You can read the background here.)

The chap I spoke to in “Customer Options” — I think it was called — was rather shocked that the 3UK store told me to take out a new contract to get the iPhone 4S.

“We could have upgraded your existing line!” he cried.

Yup.

So we went through the standard rigmarole and eventually, I got the cancellation figure (£163) which was £196 in total.

Fine. Job done.

That’s me content. I’d have liked to have done things faster though.

[And for the avoidance of doubt, I'm still definitely a Three customer -- with a nice new iPhone 4S instead]

I have to cancel my existing iPhone 4 account. It’s got about 8 months to run and I need to simply pay off the balance and close that account. Because I opened another one to get an iPhone 4S last month. I wanted to extend the existing one, however the chap in the shop (obviously) didn’t want me to do that. Another connection is good news for him, I suppose.

The problem I’ve got is that I need to invest around 20 minutes doing this. Possibly a little longer. I need to explain to the 3UK Indian call centre why I wish to cancel whilst still in commitment. I then need them to process that I am *fine* paying off the balance — I’m concerned, or, at least, my expectations lead me to believe that this will be a big ask for them.

I then expect to have to do the yes-really dance with the various teams there at 3UK’s customer services.

I’ve been putting it off.

I just don’t know if I can be bothered. The inefficiency of it all really bugs me.

Still.

What do you think?

It could be a really simple, pleasant experience. You never know.

This got me thinking.

How much would I be prepared to pay to speak to a British fixer? You know, someone who simply listens to my 10-second request, taps some stuff into the system and tells me, “That’ll be £200 to fix.” I can then respond in the affirmative and be done with it. Job done. Simple. We move on.

I think the answer is £35. Or maybe £25. Something like that. I’d pay a premium to speak to a fully trained British chap or lady who would be available immediately to resolve my query in this particular regard.

Further, I’d probably pay extra per month to have this kind of “consider it done” service integrated into my contract.

Am I alone on this?

No.

On the face of it, probably yes. In reality, if it was branded properly — I would pay something like £5 per month extra to have the 3UK Premier Service that gets you immediate access to an “account manager” who handles everything so you don’t have to think.

What do you think? Have I got my head in the clouds?

This is all well and good.

It’s just a bleedin’ annoyance.

I no longer require the iPhone 4. I still require the 3UK service. So we’ve a natural way ahead, right? Why don’t you just give me the new iPhone 4S, charge me a reasonable amount and take the old one — the iPhone 4 — back and credit me the 200+ pounds of value from that.

No.

3UK isn’t built to work in this manner.

So I took out the new contract, got the new iPhone 4S in return for about £279 up front.

Then I got the iPhone 4 valued by Envirofone at about £218 if memory serves.

So that means it cost me £61 to upgrade to a new iPhone 4S, effectively — if I ignore the outstanding line rental on the existing iPhone 4 I’ve committed to.

Why couldn’t 3 have just charged me £61 to upgrade? Because their accounting and financial bods don’t view it this way. It’s not a big problem. I’m just highlighting the arse required to play the contract game.

I’m now going to use the £218 to pay off the outstanding line rental on the old iPhone 4.

This will involve quite a lot of heartache speaking to their call centre who will be horrified. I wonder what they’re going to say when I explain that I’m not actually leaving, that I’ve already got a new contract and I just need to kill the existing one? Perhaps they will be content.

I’ll let you know how I get on.

Here we go:

Smartphones and Facebook helped to drive a massive 500% surge in New Year’s Eve handset data in just 12-months, according to mobile firm Three.

The amount of data Three’s smartphone customers used on New Year’s Eve leapt from 14 terabytes (TBs) in 2010 to a massive 80TBs in 2011.

To put it in perspective, it’s the equivalent of almost 21m MP3 tracks, or roughly 118,000 DVD movies, downloaded onto smartphones in the UK in just 24-hours.

The trend continued through New Year’s Day, with 74TBs used compared to 14TBs the year before.

Facebook was one of the most popular services as people rung in the New Year, with a 20% jump in traffic between midnight and 1am.

Three expects smartphone adoption among customers to reach almost 100% this year, as more and more people realise their capabilities.

Traditional mobile traffic grew too, but this growth was hugely outstripped by data. SMS levels grew from 36m on New Year’s Eve 2010, to 46m this year, while calls went from 19m last year to 21m.

Three’s Marketing Director Thomas Malleschitz, said: “It’s a phenomenal amount of growth and shows just how much smartphones are changing the way our customers communicate. This kind of demand vindicates Three’s focus on building a network designed for the internet.

“It also shows just how important data bundles are becoming – and of course the value of plans which offer genuinely All-you-can-eat handset data allowances.”

The one thing you simply cannot argue with when it comes to 3UK is data. The company made a bet on 3G data early on — and as a result, it’s very well placed to handle all your burgeoning data demands.

I have to say that I’m thoroughly enjoying their service on my iPhone. I’ve had an iPhone 4 with them since 2010 — and I’ve just recently swapped to an iPhone 4S. Their all-you-can-eat truly unlimited data plans are simply genius. No other UK network competes with it. What’s rather interesting is that I’m using my primary BlackBerry on Vodafone less and less because I’m finding 3′s connectivity so fast.

I also have a MiFi unit from them too. It works really nicely on the train provided I’m in a decent signal area — which is about 80% of my daily commute — so very, very useful. And even at train speeds, the connectivity typically feels the same as a fast fixed line.

Good work 3!

It is with this in mind that I have spunked £120 for your reading pleasure. It wasn’t deliberate, but since I’ve spunked it, I might as well write about it, yes? And therefore extract some value from the bollocks experience.

It’s also a really, really useful example of how operators are handling the data crunch. Sometimes folk don’t believe me when I’m jumping about on stage at events or briefing investment bankers about how dumb the infrastructure (and, often, the thinking and execution) is at operator level.

Right, let’s get to it.

I’ve moved house. There’s no internet connection — obviously — we’re waiting for BT to dance about doing the jiggerypokery that they do in order to make the broadband work.

In the meantime, I had a brilliant idea: Use the MiFi.

For me, that means using my 3 MiFi unit. It’s the one I rave about all the time. Regular readers know this — I do rave about it. (“Three MiFi success yet again: I love it“)

I’ve been using it perfectly fine for, I reckon, a year. Witness, for example, the post I did a few months back explaining why Premier Inn (and Spectrum Interactive) didn’t get any business from me thanks to my 3 MiFi service.

I’ve pummelled the unit. I’m sure I’ve used hundreds of megabytes in a single day. I’m sure I’ve used upwards of a gigabyte in a single day.

I’ve not once had a problem with the SIM.

I bought the MiFi unit last year in Richmond. I think I paid £59 for it, including a tenner’s worth of data (1GB). I went through that across the first month so I bought a few more gigs… and then I decided to take the SIM from my Nokia N86 and use that in the MiFi instead. This is because I’ve unlocked the N86 — and often, I use it without the SIM. I reasoned that I might as well stick it in the MiFi and get some use out of it.

I’m sure I read somewhere that you’re not quite meant to do this. I think it was Ben Smith who pointed out that there’s a rather huge inconsistency with the Three policy. (See point 1 in his overview).

Either way, I stuck the SIM in the MiFi and it’s been working perfectly for about a year.

Over the weekend I looked like a Demi God by supplying internet to my new household via the 3 MiFi. I just stuck it into a plug in the kitchen and it provided connectivity to iPads, MacBooks and even my other Three iPhone. (This is currently supplying the internet because of my borked MiFi SIM.)

My wife was delighted.

Wee Archie — all of 15 months — was supremely impressed at the ability for the Family iPad (WiFi-only) to magically update with new apps to keep him amused now-and-again. He’s teething so anything that keeps his mind off that and enables us to get food into him is a good idea.

I was pretty impressed myself.

The speeds have been near Desktop level. It’s been interesting watching my wife simply pick up her iPad and start using the internet across the weekend, without giving a thought to the actual bearer. It worked well enough that she didn’t notice the difference. This is a testament to Three’s super data network. I find it phenomenally good.

I think we’d used a few hundred meg but the time my wife decided to download an episode of One Tree Hill. Or something like that. She did ask if it would be OK. I said, ‘sure’ — knowing it would be slow, but knowing that a) Three could handle that and b) it would only be 500 odd meg.

Alas my wife fell for the iTunes trick: The first results they present to you are always the £2.49 HD episodes, aren’t they? 1.4 gigabytes.

I only found this out when my wife checked the download to see it was almost finished.

“Geez, that’s quite a lot,” I thought.

It downloaded fine.

I was very impressed.

I made yet another, “Three is flipping brilliant!” note to myself mentally and went about opening boxes and unpacking stuff.

I didn’t give a thought to the cost.

This is Three. Them of the truly unlimited data offering! Truly! They mean it!

Just, not for me.

Not on the price plan the N86 is on.

That was my critical mistake.

I only found out the problem when, today, my wife complained that she couldn’t use the internet.

“It’s saying something about running out of credit,” she said, over the phone.

“You what?” I said, knowing the SIM is running on a monthly contract. For hours I was convinced she’d some how put one of our PAYG SIMS into the MiFi by mistake some how.

I discovered the reality this evening.

Here’s the chronology that I’ve reconstructed from the sodding text messages that arrived into the MiFi warning me that I was exceeding my usage.

We start off with a warning message on Saturday evening:

18:36:59

From 3: You’ve nearly used your internet allowance. Check your remaining allowance for free at My3

This is very sensible. Provided I’m reading the text messages. But I’m not.

Now let’s get to the money texts. Here’s the warning that I’m about to get billed:

13.08 Sunday:

From 3: You’ve reached your internet allowance. You may be charged for further internet use. Check your usage free at My3

Right that’s not at all helpful. I mean, it’s useful to know. But what’s the sodding point in texting it to me? Why not DISPLAY something? Why not make me CLICK a button to continue during my web activity?

13.13:

You have spent £ 2.61 on internet since 02/09/2011 You could save money with an internet add-on. Click here for info http://mobil

13.13:01

You have spent £ 8.43 on internet since 02/09/2011 You could save money with an internet add-on. Click here for info http://mobil

This does show the speed of Three’s network, both in terms of data, and in terms of billing updates. Anyway, one second later I got this…

13.13:02:

You have spent £ 17.74 on internet since 02/09/2011 You could save money with an internet add-on. Click here for info http://mobi

The billing system has noticed something might not quite be right, but things carry on. 43 seconds later, they sent this:

13.13:45

From 3:You have nearly reached your credit limit. If you would like more information or want to make a payment please call 333 or

A few minutes now pass as the system lets me carry on regardless..

13:16:59

You have spent £ 23.56 on internet since 02/09/2011 You could save money with an internet add-on. Click here for info http://mobi

Now for a big jump:

13:19:00

You have spent £ 41.01 on internet since 02/09/2011 You could save money with an internet add-on. Click here for info http://mobi

The outstanding balance has doubled in a few minutes. This is clearly a nice chunk of One Tree Hill downloading. Things are moving so fast that even the SMS delivery servers can’t react fast enough. One second later, this message arrived — rather late:

13:19:01

You have spent £ 20.07 on internet since 02/09/2011 You could save money with an internet add-on. Click here for info http://mobi

And then it’s all good for another few minutes as the billing engine carries on counting the pounds from me before declaring:

13:23:02

You have spent £ 113.36 on internet since 02/09/2011 You could save money with an internet add-on. Click here for info http://mob

And the final text? For some inexplicable reason, that arrived almost twenty minutes later:

13:42:01

You have spent £ 118.02 on internet since 02/09/2011 You could save money with an internet add-on. Click here for info http://mob

And that’s it.

Job done.

For some reason, the system decided not to bother texting me after that — despite the fact that I happily used data from it across the evening, although perhaps not much, given the fact that the final additional data bill is almost £120:

I really didn’t expect a bill from Three.

I thought they’d actually given up on this ‘fair usage policy’ stuff and actually just given everyone unlimited data. I just assumed (“makes an ass out of you and me”) that this SIM contract would carry over.

My real problem is the gratuitous way in which the company’s systems just billed me. I take full responsibility. I will most definitely pay the bill. I’m just seriously disappointed that the only mechanism they thought to employ to warn me was text messaging.

It’s OK.

It’s just not very smart, is it?

The average customer would go absolutely spare at such an occurrence.

The experience really does bring home to me how shit the operators — well, Three in this instance — are at dealing with this kind of usage.

Don’t just send me a text.

How stupid is that? Oh, by all means warn me, but what about the smart thinking? What about the up selling opportunities?

KNOWING that I’m on a price plan that has a defined limit, why didn’t you switch off my internet connection and redirect all browser requests and ask me to specifically approve the STUPID amount of money I spent?

Why didn’t you use a bit of intelligence in the system? “Ewan, it looks like you’re using a lot — and, you know what, you don’t have much headroom in your allowance, so why don’t you buy a bolt-on for this week?”

No.

Here’s the screenshot of the page my wife was talking about:

I don’t know why this wasn’t shown to me (or us) some way through 1pm on Sunday when we were already running up a bill.

I could have bought almost 5x £25 7GB options for the amount they’ve charged me.

I find this level of incompetence extremely irritated.

Yes I should have swapped to an unlimited price plan. I should. That’s my fault. Yes I should have monitored my data usage closely, again, my fault.

Whoever designed and manages the Three data billing policies failed me, utterly. You’re meant to manage the customer, right? Come on, this is donkey stuff. All customers are inherently stupid. And we want to avoid them phoning us up SCREAMING for the CEO’s email address to make a complaint, yes? So make the billing system and ESPECIALLY the bit that the customer interacts with waterproof. Stupidproof.

By not dealing with this issue — by allowing it to happen for whatever reason — Three succeeded in winding up an otherwise very happy customer.

I understand that the cause of the problem was me. I expected more from you, Three. I expected some smarts in the billing team to have identified this possibility and protect me from the shit and, most importantly, as a customer, isolate me from having to deal with exceptions like this.

How simple would it have been on Sunday afternoon?

“What’s this?” my wife would say, handing the iPad to me.

“Ah, yeah it’s ok — just tap on the 7GB option as we’ll be using a lot over the next week or so,” I’d have replied.

Gahhhh.

(See: “Three UK: Fascinating example of a missed sales opportunity“)

Well, it was the same again this afternoon. This time it was a lady, Samantha, calling from India.

“Is there anyone there on PAYG that you’d like to add as a new line?”

“No, I don’t need a new line,” I said, “But I would like to discuss upgrading my existing lines.”

I have 3 different contracts with them.

This is exactly the same as I told the guy who phoned a few months ago.

The lady was very polite.

“I’m afraid I can’t help you there,” she said, “You will need to speak to the Upgrades department.”

Well that’s hardly helpful is it, I thought, if you’re calling to get more business from me?

Anyway. This one surprised me:

“Would you like a new laptop or an iPad?” she asked.

Now then, if she’d been offering a MacBook Air? Yes. But she wasn’t. She was, I suspect (although I didn’t ask) offering one of those laptops the company sells.

“As for an iPad,” I answered, “I’ve just bought one from Vodafone two weeks ago, sorry.”

(Read also: “Vodafone: A fascinating example of a super sales approach“)

“Do you want another one?” She asked.

“Alas no,” I said.

I was being good.

I thanked her. She thanked me and I hung up.

Dear me.

What a shame.

So once again, an outbound sales call seems to mean “add a new line” as far as 3 are concerned.

This time, though, at least the lady was talking about iPads. Alas my situation has changed, because 3 was stupid-slow.

Surely .. SURELY the chap last time should have sent my details over to some bod in the Upgrades team and said, “Look, this chap is ready to spend some cash?”

As it happens, 3′s social media team did their best to connect me, however I was all-over-the-place work wise in the proceeding weeks so didn’t manage to speak to them.

Then Vodafone called out of the blue, offered me an iPad, bang, done.

That money should have gone to 3. If they’d been fast enough. If they hadn’t hamstrung their sales people with these stupid policies.

How STUPID is the 3 sales management team? How STUPID? When your sales people are phoning and I’m saying the equivalent of, “I’d like to give you more money, only not in the configuration in which you expect?”, don’t you think they should be given the opportunity to do business with me?

Isn’t this ridiculous?

At some point I need to re-organise my lines with 3 and that probably means spending more money. Especially when you dangle new stuff in front of me.

So that was a second call from 3 where, due to their own stupid, STUPID service configuration, they can’t help me.

Why didn’t the lady just transfer me to upgrades?

I had no specific intention of dealing with my 3 account this afternoon. It’s been lumbering on. The direct debits come and go. My iPhone 4 is performing fine. I’m still using my 2 broadband accounts with them. I’m reasonably content. Just, I could be up-sold rather dramatically. Since they phoned though, I moved my mindset — I was ready to do business.

Deary me.

I’m stunned.

I just called 3UK *Business support* from a random landline and got the PIN on my voicemail changed, using just the info on my business card.

All they asked for was my mobile number and address/postcode. And what I’d like the PIN reset to, of course. How kind of them.

So anyone finding my business card, or a colleague’s phone, or a vendor/customer’s phone – with my name, my number and my place or work/address, CAN ACCESS MY VM.

And because the PIN is not needed when checking the VM from my mobile, I’d have no idea the PIN had changed until I tried to remotely access it. Which is never, so far.

My name is out there. I am ‘public’, I have a profile on social networks. Who I work for and the address/postcode is 15 seconds on Google away.

Fisher-Price security? More like zero security.

I then called O2 business. I have another phone with them, again on a business account. Completely, utterly different experience.

They insisted on the company details as well, but crucially, they required me to pass through a security procedure involving knowing the business account password, or detailed info like the last billing amount etc.

No matter how much I pleaded, making up a story about urgently needing access to just one VM, etc – no dice. They were adamant. No security, no PIN reset.

3UK, in topical parlance you come a News Of The World last to O2′s shining Guardian. Their CEO should be getting this process changed TODAY.

This comes from a highly technical-savvy mobile industry executive known to me personally.

Deary me.

What were 3UK Business Support thinking? I trust this is an isolated example and not par-for-the-course?

Update: I wrote some more on the wider issues.

No one has my 3UK iPhone 4 number. I don’t tend to call people on it. Instead I use it as a data consumption and creation device. So when an 0845 number called just a moment ago, I thought it might be 3UK calling.

It was.

The chap calling was one of those highly proficient, very polite and very informed sales guys you often come across. He asked if he could put a special offer to me. I agreed.

I listened. It was a good offer for ‘me or for any friends or family’ — thousands of minutes, thousands of texts, and a free phone all for £15 a month.

I thanked the chap and declined on the basis that I didn’t need a new account from 3UK. I already have 3 contracts with them.

I did explain that I would welcome the opportunity to extend my existing contracts with 3UK. My price plans are wrong, you see. I’d actually like to buy more from the company. I just haven’t taken the time (or, perhaps I don’t quite have the inclination) to deal with their outsourced call centre in India. I have found that this team is very efficient at dealing with standard arrangements. I am not a standard arrangement though. Multiple contracts, multiple devices and so on.

“I imagine you won’t be able to help me,” I said to the chap. I heard him clear his throat as I followed up, “I will probably have to call your call centre, right?”

I could hear the disappointment in his voice.

I’d just explained that I’d like to do WAY more business than a paltry 15 quid a month. I’d like to — for example — add perhaps 2-3 more devices to my existing contracts along with decent £35+ contracts.

“You’re right,” the chap sighed.

He thanked me for my time.

I thanked him.

He hung up.

Isn’t that ridiculous?

Somewhere in a rather flash boardroom in Maidenhead, someone has commissioned this guy to call existing customers to offer them this special offer. I imagine at some point, somebody in the boardroom wondered out loud what their sales people would do if customers had an existing enquiry. And at some point, somebody senior at 3UK will have slapped the idea down with the assumption that if the consumer wants something beyond the basic offer they’re flogging, they can damn well phone customer services. Or go into a shop. Or order online. This outreach is ONLY about the special offer.

Deary me.

Do some segmentation analysis.

Or, no — better still — why don’t you properly equip and empower your sales outreach teams to actually take some cash from me, rather than offering me some (good) but irrelevant deal?

If the chap had asked, i think I’d have told him he could put me down for an HTC Cha Cha, an HTC Flyer, a BlackBerry Bold 9900 and … you know what, this afternoon — right now — I’d have bought another iPad 2. Right now I am in the mood to buy. You know how it is. And this guy was good. I knew it when I heard him speak. He could have sold me a ton of stuff with a few ‘beads to the natives’ sales techniques like doubling the minutes or adding some token stuff to make me feel good and to allow me to spend more with him.

I want to be clear that this is — I dunno — let’s add it up… 35 quid x 4 = £2,520 over 18 months. That’s almost ten times the £15x 18 month target (£270) the sales guy was trying to achieve.

I will probably feel entirely different tomorrow. But right now the sun is shining and it’s just gone 5pm. So I’d have done some deals.

Anyway. We move on.

I’ll get round to sorting out my price plans and getting some new phones at some point with 3UK’s call centre.

In the meantime though my wife will no doubt be happy: To all the executives at 3UK reading this, that two and a half grand additional revenue I would have given you will probably be spent on some curtains.

Update: There’s a possibility that the chap who called was actually calling from a third-party sales agency not working at the direction of 3UK. I hope to have some confirmation from 3UK about this shortly.

I sound like a broken record when it comes to the 3 MiFi units. I’m use mine every day, especially when I’m driving (or, being driven, I should say) up and down the M4. The signal is just brilliant.

Obviously the Deltenna WIBE is the daddy but in terms of ultimate portability, the MiFi combined with 3′s proper 3G (or ‘H’) service is very valuable.

Case in point: Today at the London Book Show exhibition, I needed internet access. I connected to the show’s WiFi and found it rather sluggish. This is understandable given the system was being pummelled by the thousands of people on site. So I flipped on the MiFi and — boom — 15 seconds later I was getting speeds similar to my home BeUnlimited connection.

Krystal, one of our key operations people here at Mobile Industry Review, is heading this way in a few hours. She’s normally based in Canada but she’s popping over this week. She uses Fido.

:: eye roll ::

Fido is .. well, I was going to pick on Fido but, really, it seems like every Canadian operator is out of their mind. They seem to be stuck in the dark ages. I think I’m right in saying that Krystal would pay somewhere around $15-$17 per megabyte for data roaming. Ridiculous.

My solution? Get her a MiFi. Last night I spent 20 seconds on Amazon. I typed in ’3UK MiFi’ and clicked on the one-click button next to the MiFi+3GB bundle option. Boom. (£68). It arrived today.

I thought I might have to do a bit of jiggery pokery getting it set up. I forgot that 3 have made this whole process ultra simple. I put in the SIM card, turned on the MiFi, logged on to the hotspot and .. well, there was nothing to do. 3GB allowance was sitting ready to be used. Smooth.

The one issue? I’d have liked to have ordered directly from 3. But I knew… well, I suspected, the whole thing would be a trillion times faster on Amazon. I think I’m right in saying it was. I didn’t want to have to do the click-click-my-name-is-Ewan, here-is-my-address and sod about with credit card details. It was a point’n'click purchase.

This is perhaps something 3 might like to give some thought to. For any of the donkey stuff — that is, physical products that don’t need contracts or independent verification, let me buy it from Amazon with one click.

Don’t make me faff.

To be fair I haven’t actually experienced the 3 online ordering process. I’m confident the actual delivery would be super-fast. But I was concerned the online experience would be a little bit pedestrian.

I don’t, for example, have an account at 3.

I’ve got three different contracts with them, but I don’t login with a single identity. They don’t have my credit card details stored. I doubt I’d be able to just ‘click-n-order’ something like a MiFi and have them bill me via direct debit.

I think that might be feasible if I phoned-up. But at midnight last night, I’m sure they’d be closed.

Anyway.

Enough of that. The MiFi experience on 3? Love, love love it.

Well, goodness me. This one is a market mover and simply unbelievable!

This morning Nigel Smith, Group Chief Executive of HSBC took to the stage to announce the purchase of the UK’s smallest mobile network operator, 3UK. It’s no secret that parent company, Hutchison Whampoa has lately been considering options for their mobile operator portfolio and in HSBC, it seems they’ve found a willing partner. Indeed it looks like HSBC may go on to pick up Hutchison’s mobile operations in Denmark, Italy and Hong Kong.

HSBC’s Smith explained to a packed audience that the company was tired of waiting for the mobile industry to deliver a consolidated approach to the mobile wallet.

“For a few years now we’ve been studying the market,” explained Smith, “And we’re utterly baffled as to why the mobile industry can’t seem to get it’s act together.”

“Whenever we’ve spoken to key operators, they keep telling us that they’re waiting for Apple to do something — or that their hands are tied because they don’t have a banking license.”

“Well,” continued Smith, “We do — and the quickest way to get things moving was to buy an operator. We’re going to make the mobile wallet a reality for 3 million people in the UK starting today.”

Given that mobile operators already effectively have a credit relationship with each of their customers, it’s not that difficult to extend the relationship to that of being a bank.

Smith went on to outline HSBC’s on-going plans:

“Every 3UK customer will — effective 30th April — receive a MasterCard multi-function credit card tied directly to their mobile account.”

That card can be used for any purchase under £10. Purchases will be billed to your mobile account (for contract customers) or be deducted from your credit (for PAYG customers).

It gets better though as Smith explains:

“For HSBC, the medium of mobile is just the delivery medium for financial transactions. We don’t see it as a profit centre. So for that reason, we’re converting all existing 3UK contract customers to a standard unlimited £5 per month tariff. And when we say unlimited, we mean it.”

Smith said he expects customers from other networks to flock to 3UK stores as a result of this move, but that priority will be given to those who already have HSBC bank accounts but are not yet customers of 3UK (or “HSBC Mobile” as the service is to become).

“To begin with, we’ll give priority to our existing banking customers — but starting July 8th, we expect to be able to open access to all customers.”

HSBC is pumping £500m into 3UK this year in an effort to boost the mobile operator’s basic infrastructure and to cope with the anticipated demand which, some fear, could easily overwhelm the company’s existing capabilities.

“This investment will ensure we’re able to meet the expectations of our customers and our shareholders at all times.”

There’s one more twist, though: Smith revealed that integration discussions have already taken place with Google, Apple and Samsung regarding future collaborations (there’s speculation Microsoft and Nokia may come aboard too). This would mean that users of iPhones and Android devices (for example) would, provided they were HSBC customers, be able to swipe their NFC-HSBC-Mobile-enabled devices at over 200m point-of-sale units worldwide.

“Frankly we’re all tired of waiting — so whilst the other operators dither, I’m delighted to say that HSBC is positioning itself at the heart of the mobile marketplace.”

Smith finished his announcement by showing off one of the all new HSBC Mobile branded Google Nexus S devices, declaring, “It’s simply unbelievable!”

I couldn’t agree more.

Which means I’m doing about 120mph+ on the Eurostar right now. I’m in the United Kingdom at the moment (barely — the Channel Tunnel is heading this way quickly) and I’m MiFiying like no tomorrow.

I’m thoroughly delighted to say that although I was seriously unhappy with 3UK last week (ONE POUND TWENTY-EIGHT A FLIPPING MEGABYTE? SERIOUSLY? HUGH? COME ON!), I’m very pleased with the 3UK data service via my MiFi in the UK.

The fact it can still deliver whilst I’m zipping through the countryside is a testament to the 3UK network chaps. Love it.

Pick up one for £49 (plus a tenner top up) from any 3UK store on PAYG.

I am now regularly based in Richmond-Upon-Thames.

And what a flipping nightmare it is from a mobile connectivity perspective.

Vodafone struggles to get anything more than Edge. And even when there’s an Edge signal, the 1.5k throughput is sufficient to query Google and nothing else.

Total unmitigated rubbish.

My solution was to refer to my Three handset and find that HSPA+ is rocking across the Richmond valley.

I went out on the second day of working in the town and bought a 3 MiFi unit — the new one, that I reviewed recently.

I patted myself on the back. Multiple times. Total genius, I was. I bougth a gig of data and used about 400mb of it across the week surfing away almost at broadband speeds.

I even connected my Vodafone BlackBerry to the MiFi hotspot. I found that especially galling given the stupid amount of money I pay to Vodafone each month. [Vodafone, you're the subject of another post: Do you seriously mean to tell me that your engineers have spent 6 months trying to get the mast working beyond Edge?]

It’s not like I’m talking about an area located somewhere in North Wales. Richmond-Upon-Thames is 9.2 miles from the Houses of Parliament. It’s as urban as you get.

A few people around me noted the Three MiFi and actually popped down to the local Three shop and picked up one. We’ve all been having a super time. Three’s got some new customers (who otherwise wouldn’t have given a damn about them — after all, the company still suffers from a massive image problem, something I’ve done my best to counter).

Everything was good until yesterday. All of a sudden, the Three data network just stopped working.

Vodafone’s network carried on at a literal snail’s pace.

Three just said NO SIGNAL on my (new) Three iPhone 4 and my MiFi.

I gave it a few minutes.

Nothing.

I waited an hour or so.

Nothing.

A colleague phoned up Three and gave our postcode.

Apparently they knew about the issue.

The afternoon arrived. Nothing.

I recognised that I’d come to depend on Three.

What a mistake to make.

The network was non-existent for most of yesterday.

This morning, nothing.

Mid-way through the day, my MiFi unit suddenly found a signal, send/received 115k of data and … boom… promptly returned to zero signal.

It’s almost been 48-hours.

Again, it’s not like we’re in deepest darkest Wales, where it takes 11 hours via especially equipped Land Rover to reach the mast.

My expectation is that Three is running a carrier grade network.

Carrier grade means… well, let’s see what Wikipedia reckons:

In telecommunication, a “carrier grade” or “carrier class” refers to a system, or a hardware or software component that is extremely reliable, well tested and proven in its capabilities. Carrier grade systems are tested and engineered to meet or exceed “five nines” high availability standards, and provide very fast fault recovery through redundancy (normally less than 50 milliseconds).

To be clear, for most of today it’s been possible to make a telephone call with the Three network. And even send an SMS.

But data?

No.

Absolutely not: About a billion miles away from ‘carrier grade‘. More like ‘hamster grade‘.

If I get to Richmond tomorrow and find there is STILL no data connectivity in the area, I honestly don’t know what I’ll do.

I can’t quite imagine how I’d react to a mobile service provider that can’t provide basic functionality to a reasonable service level, let alone ‘carrier grade’.

If it doesn’t work tomorrow, I will:

- demand a refund of my Three WiFi
- cancel my newly initiated 24-month iPhone 4 contract on Three
- cancel my half-spent 18-month Nokia N86 on Three
- cancel my Three USB dongle

A back-of-the-fag-packet calculation reveals I spend about £1,400 a year with Three alone.

Fix it, Three. Fix it.

Update: Well, I’m pleased to say that Three picked up the post and discovered a fault with the local base station the next morning.  It was back and operational within a few hours.  Good news.

It makes for interesting reading. Obviously, 3 comes out pretty good against the other mobile operators, provided you don’t consider Tesco’s offering (which they haven’t).

Have a read on slideshare…

Three Mobile ‘e-bills’ FAIL. Text message with link to mobile site diverts to Three regular site. Can’t login from phone. Pointless.

Wholly pointless particularly if you’re using a dumb handset that can’t even display regular webpages properly.

Who at 3UK dreamt this one up?

The INQ1 is available today. COME ON!

From the 3UK release:

INQ1 will be available free on a contract tariff from £15 per month offering unlimited free Facebook, Skype, Windows Live Messenger and web access, plus 75 minutes of calls to other networks, unlimited texts, unlimited email and unlimited free 3-to-3 calls*. £20 will get you all of the above but with 200 minutes of calls to other networks. INQ1 will also be available on PAYG at £79.99 (£78.29 actual cost) with internet packages available from £5 per month.

Who’s buying one? Eighty quid! Eighty quid! I’m getting one later today.

Got a moment?

I’ve got a Youtube video for you. Here’s the first screen:

If you’ve got a moment, watch the full vid…

Posted by email from MIR Live (posterous)

3UK has done a deal with 4th Screen (the single point of contact for mobile advertising that’s part of MIG) and Mobix Interactive (the technical supplier).

Later this year, when you download/stream a video from the 3 portal, you’ll get a targeted ad in front of it.

I think that’s rather swish provided you’re not paying out cash for the privilege.

I’m pleased to see this kind of innovation going on. I’d really like to see operators deploy this a little bit more — I perceive it as a much fairer transaction when I don’t have to pay out cash for something but have to watch an ad. Provided the ad is pretty good.

I don’t think mobile operators have quite got a handle on the existing information they own, inherent in their customer records. For example, my location, my age, my average spend. The industry is very much still stuck on the ‘if you watch a sport video, you are, er, interested in sport’ record. That isn’t good enough.

But it seems it’s the main alternative…

Apart from Blyk, has anyone else seen examples of mobile operators using their billing information to help profile customers during their portal sessions?

Unlimited calls, texts to 3 customers and 1GB data to boot

3 last week revealed it’s to launch a new £15 unlimited calls and text tariff through stores in November.

The deal, which also includes 1GB of data, will be available for both new and eligible upgrading customers, but will not include any cross net calls to other networks.

The announcement came at a 3 press gathering in response to the network’s determination to offer consumers better packages for cross network calling but is restricted due to mobile termination rates.

Here at SMS Text News we are a big fan of of the idea of an truly unlimited plan, and it seems 3 have identified that there is a gap in this market. As Ewan would always say he would gladly pay £80 a month so he knows he gets no nasty shocks when he his bill comes.

At £15 a month I think this is a wicked deal, I have slowly been switching over my friends to 3UK onto their impressive Mix and Match plans whilst I still am on Flext T-Mobile’s version. The only sad thing about this deal is the lack of inclusion of cross network minutes, are we going back to the days where we have to convince our mates to be on the same network as us?

3UK as an operator turn me on in so many ways,  they are genuinely (in my opinion) trying to change the landscape of the industry, I mean only yesterday did we post about the new router. Not only that but can you tell me anywhere where you can still get?;

• 6 month contracts
• roaming on their sister networks and the minutes come out of your allowance
• 1gb of data for £5
• 750 Minutes and Unlimited Texts for £25 a month
• £30 credit for your and your friend for introducing them to 3
  

Reading this you would think I either work for Three or I own a lot of shares in the company. I don’t they are an operator that still excites me, and you can guarantee they are one operators I am looking to switch to when my contract runs out in December. The only one thing I feel they are lacking is the lack of Sim Only plans on a rolling month contract.

It seems that Orange not being content with its deal with Lyca Mobile, has just signed another ethnic MVNO to its collection GlobalCell.

GlobalCell will be aiming their SIM only services to migrants from countries such as Slovakia, Poland, Lithuania and Russia, and will also offer customer service in those languages as well as English. The ethnic MVNO has grown significantly over the last year and other companies that offer similar services are Lebara, Nomi and LycaMobile.

The GlobalCell deal although important, it is not seen as important as Orange’s tie up with Lyca Mobile due to the fact that GlobalCell is targeted at specific migrant markets. In comparison Lyca is targeting the much broader ethnic market and has the number one calling card company has the resources to put into the network to compete effectively with the market leader Lebara.

This now means that Orange is host to 6 MVNO’s on its network, these include the two ethnic MVNO’s, Blyk (Ad-funded MVNO), IDT, Cable and Wireless and 3′s 2.5G National Roaming deal. Orange says that it has 2.5 million MVNO subscribers; however this figure does include 3 UK’s entire subscriber base. Orange over the last year has been signing a lot of MVNO’s, and along with the other UK networks are seeing it as a fantastic way of getting into untapped markets. The other reason I suspect that Orange is going after the MVNO market quite aggressively is that Tom Alexander head of the mobile and broadband operations (formally of Virgin Mobile) has first hand experience of the success of the MVNO model.

As ever we wish the guys at GlobalCell all the luck in their new venture.

I appreciate it.

I appreciate all the work that the marketing and public relations teams do for product launches and things like this.

Today’s event with 3 was billed as a ‘Christmas in July’ preview of the company’s ‘fall line’ — their Christmas line up. It’s not just TV channels or fashion/retail chains that need to prepare well in advance for the Christmas rush. Your common-or-garden operator needs to be prepared for that time, especially from a pay as you go perspective.

The opportunity to take a peer into what 3 has got stuffed up its sleeves was one that I simply couldn’t ignore. Other operators should take note. Invite bloggers.

This, I think, is the first time that 3 have invites bloggers along to this kind of thing. Sam, who oversees 3Mobilebuzz, the operator’s blogger-outreach programme, managed to secure a few invites.

The event, you see, was for the proper people. The trade press. The real journalists.

And what a bunch of total arses they are. The trade press, I mean.

I couldn’t work in mobile public relations. Geez, no. I don’t think I could bear having to brief know-nothing tossers all day.

I flatter myself that I’m a decent chappy to invite along to a mobile event. So is Rafe from All About Symbian. Or Ricky from Symbian Guru. Or Dan Carter of Worldofnokia.co.uk. Or Stefan Constaintinescu from Intomobile. We’re shit hot, frankly.

So are you, dear reader. You’re reading SMS Text News because you exhibit a degree of interest in the mobile industry that’s greater than a passing grunt.

Actually let’s be clear. I’m not flattering myself. That’s the wrong phrase to use. I’m not flattering you, either. Nor am I flattering the chaps I’ve mentioned above. We’re all good. We’re all generally enthusiastic, right? We’ve all got a thirst for knowledge about mobile related stuff. I’m a big fan of mobile. Yes I might have a go at Nokia now and again, but that’s only because I want them to be better. Fundamentally I’m a huge fan.

So I’m a brilliant chappy to have at a mobile operator launch event. But I tell you, I nearly beat the shit out of some of these mainstream media types dribbling around the event this morning.

Before I explain, let me just get the goodies out of the way for those waiting:

The Blackberry Bold launches in November. You can get an E71 (White) on the 21st of July. And you can have a Samsung Tocco or a Nokia N96 in September. No word on the Sony Experia as yet.

Now that’s out the way, let me tell you about this event.

3 did an excellent job. The theme, of course, was Christmas in July. So they’d recreated a ‘park’ complete with deckchairs, benches, plants, trees and astroturf grass in the showcase area of National Magazines’ office in Carnaby Street. The Christmas bit, as far as I was concerned, were the devices. On each bench and table there were a selection of different devices, grouped into sections. My eyes widened as I saw one hamper with what looked like a Windows Mobile Motorola next to an E71.

I said hi to Sam and to the 3 PR team. I met their Director of Handsets — a new chap who’s got his brain turned all the way up to 11. That’s the kind of guy you need running your handset strategy. This was, effectively, his baby, this event.

They’re committed PR folk. They love their products. They were all sporting wicked 3UK handsets as personal devices too. That’s a key test when you look at marketing folk. (If they don’t eat their own dog food, there’s usually an issue.)

Sarah guided me around the various stalls and sections laid out. Each had a different theme. For example, over at the picnic table were some laptops with dongles. On a bench in the corner were some high-end handsets (my eyes widened at the N96, the Sony Xperia and the Samsung Tocco). In a picnic basket was this Windows Mobile looking handset and the E71. We headed there first.

Sarah began her pitch, taking me through the background to 3′s strategy of offering all customers (PAYG or contract) mobile email, irrespective of their device. I’ll need to look closer at the system. It looks really, really smart and it’ll work with almost any device. “For example, with the Blackberry,” she continued.

The what?

I looked again. Shit! It’s the Blackberry Bold. On 3? On THREE?

We didn’t guess that. Not at all.

And so the briefing continued. I managed to get their permission to do some QIK videos and take some photographs of all the publicly available devices. Some of them weren’t for public consumption alas but I certainly respected their preferences.

Sarah took me around each section and talked in-depth about the range of back-end services and strategies that 3 is working with to support the various devices and services coming out soon.

A brilliant job.

“Listen, I need to get this out to the readers,” I said, taking out the Apple Air and plugging in the 3UK broadband stick.

“Ok, I’ll leave you to it,” Sarah said and quietly let me get on with my live blogging.

And that’s when the trouble began for me.

I was exposed to the shite. In the form of know-nothing, couldn’t-give-a-toss arses. Yes, mainstream media journalists.

I don’t mind the technology journalists who know their thing. Or who’re keen to learn.

But get this.

A chap from one publication arrived. He smiled and headed straight for the food table. Maybe he was hungry, I thought.

And he stood, next to the food table as one of the 3 PRs approached and began trying to brief him.

He asks some lame, stupid question and the PR lady does her best to smile appreciatively. First she decides to check if, as she suspects, he’s a Class A idiot with no clue about mobile.

“So, do you have a contract phone?” she says, just checking.
“Pay as you go,” he replies.
“Oh,” says the PR lady.

I would go into more detail about the inane conversation but I would incriminate the chap. I won’t name names. Or report the name of the publication. I’m astonished that they sent this chap to cover a mobile event. It’s absolutely appalling. He knew nothing. He was using a throwaway piece of shit Nokia.

He wouldn’t know multimedia messaging if the slapped him around with a wet kipper.

He took a look at the arrayed devices. I think I spotted a cornflake stuck on his knitted jumper.

He saw nothing whatsoever that interested him and did his best fake smile when the PR girl asked him if he’d ever used a mobile broadband dongle. It was clear he didn’t give a flying FOK about mobile broadband. Or know what it involved.

My gosh.

This is it. This is mainstream media. This guy is going to have to write a piece at some point about 3 and their new services. The PR girl tried again, asking him if he’d ever used an N95 – a clever move, I reckoned — as she could segway on to the new N96 in the corner. No. Blank looked ensued from this journalist.

He didn’t even try to take a sodding interest.

We move on.

Two girls arrive. My god. Airhead extreme. Caked in foundation and obviously from a women’s magazine of some sort.

Again, I won’t identify them. They were in and out of the launch faster than I’d written the little ‘live blog’ piece.

One of the other PR girls wandered over and welcomed them. Fake smiles from the magazine girls.

‘I’ve had enough of this,’ I thought.

I engaged them in conversation.

“Which ones are you going to feature?” I asked, motioning to the new Skypephones.

Blank look.

“Er,” said one of them, “Er, we don’t know… it…er…”

She looked to her friend for help.

“It, er, depends.”

“On what?” I asked.

I dropped it there. 3′s PR did their best to take these two women around the stalls and try and interest them.

My gosh.

This. Is. It.

Absolutely shocking.

I guarantee you that this girly magazine in question has readers who are ultra keen to know about 3′s products. It’s not all about makeup and blowjobs. For today’s young ladies, technology in the form of a hot mobile phone is particularly important.

Yet I just know that this magazine will do a half page bullshit piece of rubbish featuring 50 words on the Skypephone or the new N96. And that’ll be it.

And what a wholly depressing notion this is.

I sat and I watched the (apparent) cream of mainstream media descend on 3′s event and piss right off with their little goody bag.

It really is nothing short of massively annoying. Especially when the PR team have put so much work into the event.

I almost took some of these arses to task.

They were invited for a reason. Their audience deserves to know what 3, Vodafone, o2 — everyone — is up to. Their readers are trusting them to deliver.

And they’re not.

Which is why more and more people turn to specialist sites such as this one and the sites I mentioned above.

And ultimately, that’s only good news.

Instead of just emailing him back, I knocked up a little video via QIK. This is 100% irrelevant if you’re an existing 3 user, but might be reasonably interesting if, like Kevin, you’re sat on a 2G handset/network and your only exposure to mobile internet results in a total pain in the arse. Here’s the vid: