It’s true I’ve been with Fido for awhile, it’s got to be close to 10 years now. I remember that day well that I walked home with my Nokia 5190 (with free silver face plate!) and activated my PAYG account. Ahh the memories.

Sure it’s been a bit of a rocky relationship. There was the time when they accidentally charged me for all my included text messages and I ended up with $300 bill, and the fact that they STILL can’t figure out how to change the name on my account since I got married, and the lack of sensible data. But other then that, it hasn’t been *all* bad.

I knew what this letter contained, it was their discreet way of saying “Your contract is going to expire soon, don’t leave, we beg you, stay with us, please! here’s what we can give you!”

I also knew that if I don’t respond to this one, quite a few more will arrive before my contract expires, but I’m always up for a good offer, so I ripped it open to see what they had.

First of all the generic form letter, (everything from Fido has some sort of dog on it, this one had a golden retriever, in a bow tie, we’re celebrating! Get it!)

“A great offer to celebrate years by your side!”

Awww. Shucks. It almost brought a tear to my eye.

Dear Kristal McMillan,

(see what I mean about not being able to change my name on the account!)

“To celebrate all this time by your side, Fido would like to thank you with an exceptional offer made even more attractive by your FidoDollars!“

I should take a moment to explain FidoDollars, you accumulate them, not sure of the exact rate, but anyway, when it comes time to get a new phone, you can use them to pay for it. You can also buy accessories etc.

Anyway, we continue.

Opt for a new Fido Agreement with this special offer!
> Upgrade to a brand-new phone!
Check out our enclosed brochure for a wide selection of phones and find the one that meets your needs. Plus discover a new experience in mobile technology with Fido’s 3G phones, giving you easy access to content where and when you want it. And don’t forget to use your 9 FidoDollars for an even better deal on your new phone!

I took a picture so you all could see I’m not kidding. Ok I know it’s the generic form letter and they just fill in the blanks, but come on now. How SILLY does it look with a little yellow box that says “Get a phone with your FidoDollars! You have 9 Fido Dollars!”

Can someone please find me a phone to buy for $9?

and WOW! NEW 3G technology! What will these inventors come up with next, here I was still using my tin cans and string.

I pulled the aforementioned brochure out of the envelope to see what exciting phones they were offering.

Oh dear.

“Select the phone that fits your lifestyle!”

Ummm….

I opened it up anyway, and the following dear readers, is exactly what I found

I know. I know. Pathetic isn’t it? and it doesn’t get any better. (and those are the “after signing the contract” prices) Upon turning page I am introduced to

3G! wow.

and then we get into the you know, high class, top of the line stuff.

Oooh. Ahhh. Windows Mobile.

And wow! 3G! I just can’t contain my excitement.

So really, they can’t offer me a phone that fits my lifestyle. Because what I need is either my N95, or maybe an iPhone (which you notice, they conveniently aren’t offering!) and a sensible data plan.

Oh and not a 3 year contract, (I’m sorry, “Fido Agreement” it sounds nicer.)

I remember back a couple Podcasts ago when Ben and Dan and Jay were talking about how they can’t believe that in Canada they were making people sign up with a 3 year contract to get the iPhone.

Well believe it boys, because you can’t really get less. For anything. If you want to pay a *decent* price for a phone ($0-$100) you’re locked in for 3 years. And sometimes they won’t even offer you the plans without the 36 months as well.

Here’s the proof, for the Razr2 and the JACK (all the other ones were the same, just couldn’t be bothered to take all the pictures)

(if you can’t read it, it says “After a $100 credit and a 3-year Fido agreement + Windows Mobile option with a data term for 3 years. $425 without Fido Agreement”)

(“After a $100 credit and a 3-year Fido agreement + Surfing option with a data term for 3 years. $500 without Fido Agreement”)

Unfortunately I don’t see very much to celebrate with Fido.

I am in that situation. My parents are ok with technology, my Dad can almost program the VCR, and is pretty good with his computer. Mom on the other hand won’t touch it. They don’t understand how people can sit for hours on the Internet.

The thing that baffles me most is their mobile phones. They’re both on PAYG, Mom with Fido and Dad with PC Mobile (our version of Tesco Mobile) but it just doesn’t really make sense to me.

First off, they don’t really need two cell phones. (I know, I know, I’m usually throwing phones at people and yelling at anyone who doesn’t have one, but bear with me)

They are of the “I have my phone in case of an emergency” species, you know the ones. Those who keep the phone in their car/handbag and only ever turn it on if the car breaks down. (Which by the way, annoys the hell out of me every time I try and call my Mom on hers) It made sense for them to have two before, Dad was working 100 km away and in the winter it made sense. But now he’s retired, and they’re down to one car, two cell phones is almost silly, considering they never get used.

Here’s my problem, what I need help with, what I can’t wrap my head around.

Like I said, they’re both on PAYG, Dad buys a $15 refill card from PC mobile. This gets him $15 worth of credit, .20cents a minute, for 30 days. (He could buy a $25 which gives him 60 days, but apparently it makes more sense in the world of parents to be a $15 every 30.)

The problem is, he barely uses the phone. Like I mean barely, once a month if you’re lucky, maybe twice. But every 30 days his credit expires, so, on the 29th day, he has to buy another $15 card.

He currently has $110 worth of credit.

It’s ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous. If he misses refilling that account by one day, woooosh! There it all goes. What a waste of money.

Mom isn’t much better, although she uses hers a little more often, but still sits with giant account balances. (Fido only makes you buy a $10 card every 30 days.)

I had this conversation with them the other day when I found out how high their balances were.

(K is me, D is Dad, M is Mom)

K: “So, why don’t you just use it more often, use it up.”

D: “I do, I used it twice last week”

K: “But you still have tons of credit! If you miss refilling that by one day, it’s all gone. GONE! What a waste of money!”

M: “he’s done that before.”

K: “So just use it, like all the time, for every call you make!”

D: “I do use it, I call Mom when she has to come pick me up at the golf course” (which is like once every 2 weeks)

Anyway, at this point I started banging my head against the table and gave up the conversation.

Sure he could use it a lot to use up his credit. But then he’s back in the same boat again after awhile unless he uses it constantly, which he doesn’t.

So what do they do? Is there another option out there for the “emergency”/”occasional” user?

Or are they forever doomed with lots of credit?

U.S. TEXT MESSAGING RATE CHANGE

Please note that effective July 15, 2008, the rate for sending a text message from Canada to the United States is changing to $0.25 (from $0.15). This change also applies to Text messaging options and certain Value packs, as text messages sent to the United States will no longer be included in the options. Pricing does not include applicable taxes.

Ugh. That means International is probably going up to.

Figures.

“Get a great handset at a great price if you renew your agreement now! Limited time offer”

Ok well, a) I’m impressed that they’re actually using text. I’ve only ever gotten these offers in good old fashioned snail mail. and b) my contract doesn’t expire until November, and I know I’ll get a million more of these before then but hey, full points for effort.

I thought I’d take a look though and see what these great handsets are they’re offering me, and maybe, just maybe, (yeah ok) I may want to give up my N95 for one of them. (And of course, I would have to sign up for another 36-month agreement)

I present to you my friends, the current Fido collection.

Sony Ericsson Z750i (NEW!)
Nokia 6301 (NEW!)
Nokia 6555
Samsung SGH-E747
Samsung JACK
Moto Q 9h
RAZR2
Samsung SGH-A736
LG TU500
Nokia 6070
Nokia 5200
Motorola W510
MOTOKRZR K1
Sony Ericcson Z310a
LG TG800
Sony Ericsson W300i
Nokia 6126
MOTORAZR V3

any takers?