I haven’t had a good hands-on play with the E71 as yet. I can tell you, however, that it will be ‘good’.

Not brilliant. Oh no. For, ’tis a Nokia. It is, unfortunately, the law of Nokia that every handset they produce continually underwhelms. And when you’re paying 500 pounds a time for the experience, that begins to add up. And then you become me.

In the podcast I explained my viewpoints and my experiences.

“No!”, they cried, “You heathen!”, they jeered.

And then Podcast 10 arrived. Last week, you see, SMS Text News contributors Ben Smith and Jonathan Jensen, headed off to the Nokia E-Series Q&A event and walked off with E71s (by mistake, it seems, but, they’re nice chaps, they’ll give’em back).

Big time. I’m only disappointed I was 6,000 miles away whilst Podcast 10 was being recorded. In it, the chaps — the previous E71 uber-dandies, made a series of points that didn’t surprise me at all. Yes, the Emperor is naked.

The E71′s prime function, obviously, with it’s qwerty keyboard, is email/messaging.

How does it perform, Ben?

“As a nice email device, it’s good.”

These are actual quotes.

Here’s Ben again:

“It’s nice to see Nokia putting some styling effort into their E-Series devices. Previously they’ve been pig-ugly. A lot of people in my office have been commenting on it.”

So it’s not pig-ugly. The camera’s “not that good” and is “fine for daylight shots.” But what about video streaming with the likes of QIK?

“As for QIK, the E71′s processor can’t really handle it.”

Right. And the actual email client on the E71, Ben?

“The email client is really quite poor.”

And a closing statement on the E71, Ben?

“It’s a lot more capable [in terms of calendar and contacts], except on email. That does seem strange on a device that you buy primarily for email.”

I’ll certainly sit down and have a play with the E71. I expect it to be well made, contain the usual Nokia E-Series functions that we know and, generally love. But I don’t expect it to be a piece of brilliance. I’ve just had far too much experience with Nokia to even hope for that.

Expect brilliance from Apple (he writes, typing away on his MacBook Air) but expect a dependable and ok performance from Nokia.

No more Nokia fanboys please, not until they produce something worthy enough.