Please sit down and make yourself comfortable. And please keep a close eye on your heartbeat — get the crash team on speed dial.

I don’t want to surprise the hell out of you.

Because the headline is true.

I am seriously considering making an application and putting it into the Ovi store.

I know I’ve been telling the world just how bollocks Nokia has been in some aspects, in the past. But I think it’s time to put that behind us.

I think it’s time to pat Nokia on the back and say, ‘This Ovi thing… you know, the store… that ain’t half bad… let’s give it a go, eh?’

It’s time to put my money where my mouth is.

Nokia has a future. Symbian (I can’t actually write the text ‘Symbian’ without wincing, I have that bad an opinion of it) has a future. The Ovi Store has a lot of potential.

People still like Nokia devices. They are still nifty handsets. Well built, capable…

Time to make it happen.

Here’s what I want to do. I’m sick and tired of waiting for someone to develop and release a decent conferencing application for my N95 8GB.

Howler Tech / ROK Talk did it. I’m not entirely clear on where that’s gone or what precisely happened to it. All I know is that I don’t have it on my N95 and that quite simply isn’t good enough.

I want to do conference calls. Anyone working with large companies needs to do conference calls. And I can’t tell you how FLIPPING annoying it is when someone sends me their ‘conference details’.

It’s like being back at infant school. It’s like living in the 19-sodding-hundreds.

‘Here is my 0870 bollocks number’

‘Here is the PIN code you need to type in’

What am I? The brain of sodding Britain? No. I don’t want to be given your bollocks PIN number.

I don’t want to call some idiot-per-minute number.

Furthermore I’m sick and tired of the shite service offered by conference providers. To be clear, they can do the telephone bits fine. But the ’service’ around it is 100% screwed. It’s because the conference provider doesn’t give a flipping flying flip about HOW you use the service. There’s no decent online click-here-to-start. There’s no decent mobile-activated conference system. I want to click, click, click in my address book and hit GO.

And I don’t want to pay 0870 ‘national rate’ rubbish call rates for the privilege either.

I have had enough of turning up to a group conference call at 2.30pm and spending the next 15 minutes dicking about waiting for Bob, or Bill, or Jim, or Linda to actually join.

10 minutes after that — so at 2:55pm, we actually get started. One guy’s had to pull over because he was driving and thought we’d be calling him. Another can only stay for two minutes because he’s ‘got a 3 o’clock’.

It’s rubbish. It’s not good enough. I want a system that just calls everyone at the appointed time. Better still I want it to send out reminders 5 hours from the time of the conference call. AND crucially, I want the ability to be able to do a live, off-the-cuff phone call immediately.

It’s time the market was served by something a lot better.

And I’d like your help to make it.

Who’s up for it? Are you a Symbian developer? If so, we need your help.

Are you interested in owning a bit of history and helping put our money where our mouth is? I need a few grand from a few people, I reckon.

Or, frankly, I’ll just pay for it myself.

Who do I need to speak to at Ovi to get the app on their store? Does anyone know?

As ever, I’m ewan@mobileindustryreview.com. Let’s talk.

Update:

Kerry Ritz, CEO of Palringo, responded right away with this gem:

you can submit apps to ovi store directly. there is a 3 step process to having applocations accepted/screened by nokia

Ah. Interesting stuff. Nice one Kerry. OK so that part of the process looks pretty straight forward…