You have 1 minute of credit remaining. AHHH!

I am, for some inane, strange reason, on a PAYG tariff with one of my T-Mobile accounts.  I asked them, ages ago, to swap me to their lowest plan — which was some UFIX Talk thing.

I’m not entirely sure what’s going on.  They are billing me per month.  Right?

Yet I’ve got a price plan balance.   Maybe I’m just paying line rental or something.

I have paid my T-Mobile account shambles no attention. Absolutely no attention.  So I have no clue as to what’s going on. And I’m happy with that.  T-Mobile’s online self service system is both the best and shittest I’ve come across here in the UK.

If it’s not panicking over trying to setup a direct debit, it’s displaying horrible messages about my customer status.  And the upgrade process, sheesh.  I just press ‘OK’ to see how much the N95 was going to cost me and WOOSH, I got a new phone AND 18-month contract the next day.  Although the billing system says words to the effect of UFIX 12-months.

Screw it, with bells on.  I’m not using T-Mobile as my primary communications device.  And since they don’t bother with blogger outreach or social media marketing, I can’t be bothered to find out more.  Not until the evolve into something resembling Vodafone’s Forum Intervention Team.

Ve know vere yoo livvvvvv Mistr Makloud.  Everytime I tell anyone about the ‘Forum Intervention Team’, I feel like I should pull an imaginary cap down over my eyes and wrap my huge artic jacket around myself tigher as though I’m standing somewhere in the middle of Soviet-Era Moscow.

Theze kariars av ears. Kip yoorslev sayf mah freend.

To the main point of this ramble: Shock.

Absolute, abject shock.  Equivalent to getting out of the pool, muscles rippling, water dripping from my brilliantly toned torso, to find my swimming trunks floating in the water whilst a group of old fogies make comment.

I was on the phone to Hetty talking about something MIR related when a horrid T-Mobile voice interrupted my conversation to tell me that I had ‘One minute of credit remaining.’

Panic mixed with outrage.  How DARE you.  How absolutely DARE YOU?  ONE MINUTE?  Shit. RIght. Er.  I’ll… I need to hang up. What if I have to call the AA or something when I’m out and about?  What if I can’t USE my phone?


It’s not a common occurence for me.  But it’s a humbling one.  I made a mental note as I put down my T-Mobile and picked up my Orange contract handset to call Hetty back: It’s worth remembering that vast swathes of the planet’s mobile population are on pay as you go.

Not everyone is clamouring to download the latest version of Nokia Maps for their N95.  Or eBay’s new iPhone application…

Most of the planet is still making phone calls and sending texts.  How depressing.  How real.

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