1. Text messages aren’t included in your package and you’re paying twice as much as the national debt of Uruguay for usage each month
2. The minutes you’re allowed are only enough to call customer services to complain about the tariff
3. Calling a ‘local number’ costs the same as calling Australia at peak hours and an hour
4. Sending a single MMS cost you more than the phone did when you first bought it
5. Internet browsing is at such a high rate you’re seriously thinking about personally calling Congress for a bail out, only you’ve just gone over your minutes
6. The last bill that arrived had an extra page just for all the noughts after the box that read ‘Your Current Balance is’
7. Using a landline is cheaper on all accounts
8. When going over your allotted data usage per month costs more than four times what you initially should be paying, it’s now time to switch tariffs
9. When going over your allotted minutes per month costs more than five times what you initially should be paying, it’s now time to switch tariffs because you’re dumb
10. When going over your allotted texts per month costs more than six times what you initially should be paying, it’s time to switch tariffs because you’re dumb and you best turn in your handset too